Enyalier Ne Undomiel
by Maiden-Of-Tears
Summary: Im Arwen Undómiel. I am the daughter of Elrond and Celebrian. My brothers Elrohir and Elladan have gone to Rohan. The other elves have left Rivendell; they have sailed away across the seas to Valinor. Ada wished that I go with them, but my heart told me
1. So we meet

**E****nyalier ****n****e ****U****ndómiel** Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, places etc. they belong to Tolkien and rightly so. 

Author's note: As in the summary, this is the story of Lord of the Rings, from Arwen's point of view. It tells of her thoughts and emotions and is a mixture of both the movies and the books. Please don't kill (/flame) me, this is my first fanfic and I don't want it to be my last. So just bear with me and review so I can improve. And please don't say that each chapter is too short. I only do that to add more meaning to the story if you have to change page in certain places, giving it the illusion of being in a longish time frame. Think of them as diary entries, you don't write it all in one day.  The title means, 'Memories of the Evenstar…but I have a feeling my grammar's wrong. Correct me if you can. Oh and by the way, if you recognise this, it's because I changed names and reposted. My other names was Penpal2004 or something like that. Tell me if I'm doing something wrong.

Ok, that's all, I think…ready to begin?

'Im Arwen Undómiel. I am the daughter of Elrond and Celebrian. My brothers Elrohir and Elladan have gone to Rohan. The other elves have left Rivendell; they have sailed away across the seas to Valinor. Ada wished that I go with them, but my heart told me otherwise. This is my story…' Chapter One… 

For over thirty years I have waited, ever since we met under the trees in Imladris, for this time, indeed this moment, to come. I was aware of him first, mortal that he is, noisy and disturbing the quietness of Rivendell with his loud footsteps and his singing. Yet he was singing in elvish, a well-known song, and I was drawn to him, like a moth to a flame. For he was singing of my foremother, Lúthien and her meeting with Beren. Many people have said that I bear her fair countenance and perhaps my fate will be not unlike hers. This mortal man was no different. He ran and called out to me, '_Tinúviel Tinúviel!_' just as Beren called out to my great great-grandmother. But I am not she and I corrected him. He looked at me amazed, I supposed because he had never seen me before, when I named myself as Elrond's daughter. But he told me he had never seen me in this place and actually asked me if my father had kept me locked up in his hoard. Such insolence! But then of course, he explained to me that he was my father's adopted son, that he was once called Estel and that he had recently just found out that he was actually Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir of Isildur, heir to the throne of Gondor and Lord of the Dúnedain. I think there was more, but I cannot recall all of it now. I told him that I had been dwelling in Lothlórien, the homeland of my mother and had only just come back after many long years. He was surprised, but I told him that I am of elf kind, that the children of Elrond have the life of the Eldar. I should have seen that day, beyond his abashed face, I should have seen that his face fell the moment I spoke those words, I should have seen that he was more than kin from afar to me. I should have known myself that I was already starting to fall for him.


	2. Confessions and Bindings

Disclaimer: Hah. I wish. No, they're Tolkien's and nothing I can do can change that. Chapter 2… 

I believe that soon after our first meeting my father spoke to him about his future. For he left Rivendell, only to return every once in a while. My father told me that he had chosen exile, rather than go and claim the throne of Gondor. My days darkened for I had had many hopes for him. And now I realize, for myself as well. After a time, I returned to Lórien, to dwell among my mother's kin once again. I sook the advice of my grandmother, Galadriel and she told me to wait. I followed her advice and in the blossoming woods I dwelled, ever watchful for a long awaited sign. And then finally, one day just before the breaking of Spring, she told me to go out and wait in a certain glade. Just before dusk, when I was about to give up and return to Caras Galadhon, I saw a young man clothed in white and silver, with a star-like jewel bound to his forehead, step out from the trees and walk towards me. I thought that perhaps he was an Elven lord, powerful and extremely comely. But as he came closer, I realized that this was no elf, but Aragorn returned from the wild. That was when I first realized that I had fallen deeply in love with him. We spent the rest of Spring and the Summer together, wandering the woods at each other's side. And then one evening, on a warm summer's night, we pledged ourselves to each other on Cerin Amroth.

The elanor and nephredil flowers were thick underfoot, yet neither of us broke a single stem, so close he had become to an elf.

I was looking out at the view of Lothlórien, under the night sky. He stood just behind me, his arm around my shoulders. Together we gazed out at the stars.

He said thoughtfully in Sindarin,

_"They say that when looking out at the stars on a clear night, a mortal is the nearest he can ever be to Valinor." _

_"But 'tis said that Ëarendil has been to the Blessed Realm, before he took to the skies."_

"That will not be my fate. But somehow, I feel closer to Valinor now, than ever before."

I turned around to look at him, perplexed and yet understanding. He said,

"One star is nearer to me than ever before, and it is difficult to stay seemingly unmoved by its presence. Evenstar…I love you…" his voice seemed choked up as if with emotion and when I looked into his eyes, I saw a world full of hope, longing, joy and tears unnumbered. I had been waiting for this moment for a long time.

"And I you. I would bind myself to you and never leave your side, but I fear that is not yet our destiny."

"Your father will never give his blessing. I feel that I have betrayed him, for he said that I was not to take wife until I was crowned King of Gondor and he raised me from a young child. And I am but mortal."

"Mortal or elf, I can love no other." I felt like I had oceans to offer him but I was only handing over drops at a time…why can I never express myself how I want to?

He looked towards the East. There, a shadow loomed, though at the time, I knew little of what it meant.

"You know I must leave on the dawn of the morrow. And I may not return."

"You will return, victorious as always. You cannot lose hope. The Shadow is dark, and but I rejoice, for you, my Estel, will be one of those of the great who will destroy it."

 But he answered with all honesty in his voice,

"I cannot see it, and how it shall come to pass is hidden from me. But when you still have hope, I will hope. And the Shadow I completely reject." He glanced towards the west, where the last rays of the setting sun still illuminated the sky. "But neither, my lady, is the Twilight for me. I am mortal and if you would bind yourself to me, Undómiel, then the Twilight you too must give up. And I would not have you choose that fate."

I stood still, inwardly battling with myself. How could I give up the love of my life? And yet, surely, longing for the Undying lands would consume me, and how could I dream of leaving my father? But then I turned slightly, and saw his face, not a lonely and wilderness worn Ranger of the North, but a descendant of Kings, who would outshine them all. Then I made up my mind.

"I will cleave to you, Dúnadan, and turn from the Twilight. Yet there lies the land of my people and the long home of all my kin." I love my father dearly, and would not wish to hurt him, but the bird must fly the nest if it is to fly at all, and thus lies my fate.


	3. Gift of the Evenstar

Disclaimer: Am I supposed to repeat myself for every chapter? All palces, names, characters and a lot of the dialogue is Tolkien's. Chapter Three… 

When he came to Rivendell, accompanying Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin, we managed to escape the Hall of Fire, for a time, to speak together.

I asked him,

"_Renech i lu i erui govannen?" (Do you remember when we first met?)._ He had already shown me before that he doubted himself, that he believed that he was unworthy.

He answered,

"_Nauthannem i ned ol reniannen." (I thought I had strayed into a dream.)._ But he had not. The dream had only just begun.

I touched his cheek, for once clean shaven and said,

"_Gwenwin in enninath...U-arnech in naeth i si celich._" _(Long years have passed…you did not have the cares you carry now.)_ And indeed, I remember the joyous days and nights we spent in Lothlórien. But it seemed to me that he still doubted. I asked "_Renech i beth i pennen?" (Do you remember what I told you?)._

He touched my necklace, the Evenstar given to me by my mother and answered quietly.

_"You said you'd bind yourself to me. Forsaking the immortal life of your people."_ Indeed I swore that to him, I promised to renounce the twilight.

And so, I replied,

_"And to that I hold. I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone."_ I could not and cannot bear the thought of going to the Undying Lands, where our love would be evergreen, but only ever a memory. I opened his hand and gave him the Evenstar. _"I choose a mortal life."_ When he looked down and saw what I had given him, he protested,

_"You cannot give me this!"_ But it was not anyone else's choice to make.

_"It is mine to give to whom I will...like my heart."_ The next morning he left on another journey in the Wild.


	4. Just a Dream?

Disclaimer: Aiya! Is this just supposed to make me feel incredibly inferior? Because it's working. Hi J.R.R Tolkien. This is your stuff anf don't I know it. I'm just filling in the gaps.

_Chapter 4…_

My father was never pleased with my relationship with Aragorn, but not until now have I understood why. I believe that _ada_ spoke with Aragorn again before he left with the Fellowship. Aragorn was awake early in the morning before _Anor_ had risen. I saw him as he was about to depart and stopped him, asking him if that was how he would take his leave, did he think he could slip away at first light unnoticed? He told me that he was not returning. I misunderstood his meaning. I thought he believed he would be killed in battle, but he was not speaking of that. He said to me,

_'You have a chance for another life ...away from war... grief... despair.'_ I asked him why he was saying this; I could not believe what he was trying to persuade me to do.

He said to me that he was mortal, that I am elf kind. That it was all a dream. If it was all a dream, then why were we able to live and enjoy every moment of it? If it was a dream, why didn't we wake up to find it already slipping away from the conscious mind?

I told him that I did not believe him. What he said was not true. He tried to give me back the Evenstar saying that it belonged to me. I refused it. It was a gift after all. I told him to keep it. The fellowship left that morning; my heart went with them, carried by the one I loved.


	5. The LIfe of the Eldar

Disclaimer: Hi, this is Tolkien's characters. Whoever wrote the script in LOTR movies should be thanked as well. Chapter 5… 

And now, for over a year I have watched over him, protecting him from danger. During that time I made for him my greatest work. A standard, bearing the Star of Ëarendil, the crown of Gondor and the White tree of Númenor. A standard fit for the King of Gondor and Anor. This I sent with my brothers before they rode to Rohan with the Dúnedain. I would have given anything to ride with them, but _ada_ forbade it. And so I remained in Rivendell, reading, riding, doing anything to occupy my thoughts for a brief moment. But ever my thoughts strayed to him. And I hoped that I was never far from his thoughts either.

But then one evening, less than a month ago, my father showed me something of my future. He showed me what would happen if Aragorn were made king. He said to me,

"If Aragorn survives this war, you will still be parted. If Sauron is defeated and Aragorn made king and all that you hope for comes true, you will still have to taste the bitterness of mortality. Whether by the sword or the slow decay of time, Aragorn will die. And there will be no comfort for you. No comfort to ease the pain of his passing. He will come to death. An image of the splendour of the kings of men in glory, undimmed before the breaking of the world. But you, my daughter, you will linger on in darkness and in doubt. As nightfall in winter that comes without a star. Here you will dwell, bound to your grief, under the fading trees, until all the world has changed and the long years of your life are utterly spent. Arwen... there is nothing for you here, only death."

And I believed him. I saw that my Estel would die; I saw my grief and despair in the days ahead. Heartbroken, I prepared to leave Rivendell. I journeyed towards the Grey Havens with the rest of the Elves. But when we passed the borders of my beloved Imladris, I looked back, unable to give up so easily the home of my childhood. I saw a young child running along beside my horse. He ran along a wall, etched upon the air, into the arms of a waiting man. My beloved, Aragorn, with _my_ son in his arms. They both looked up at me. The image faded and I was left only with a memory of their faces, pleading for me to come and find them in _my_ future. It was then that I made my choice. A choice that I know will one day come back to me and haunt me. I knew what my father had shown me at first was true, and would eventually happen. But there was also more, not only death. I turned back.

I ran up the familiar steps to my father's study, dropping my travelling cloak onto the ground. When I burst in the room he was not surprised to see me. I asked him why he had not told me about the child; he had the gift of foresight, he must have seen it. He had tried to hide it from me. I asked him to reforge Narsil; I went and took the shards from the Lady's shrine myself. He did not answer me, knowing that if he did reforge the sword, Aragorn would become king of Gondor. He knew that if he did reforge Narsil, he would be parted from his daughter forever. He refused my request. I returned to my room, unwilling to except his decision. And it was then that I decided to write this, my story.

The book that I was trying to read has fallen out of my hands.  I feel a wave of exhaustion sweep over me, and I sit down abruptly on the bed, knowing what this meant. The book, my secrets, thud onto the floor, the sound echoing in the furthermost boundaries of my fading being. My father entered my room. He picked up my book and then took my hands in his.

"Your hands are cold," he tells me, looking at me in surprised concern. Then comprehension dawns on his face and he searches my tearstained face despairingly. Unshed tears shine in his eyes making them brighter. This is the first time I have seen my father show clear emotion.

"The life of the Eldar is leaving you."

"This was my choice. Ada, whether by your will or not, there is no ship now that can bear me hence…"

This is my decision. To accept my future, with whatever joys and despair it may bring. My future with Aragorn, my Estel. My hope. I will not lose hope…

Well? How do you like? I think I'm doing well for my first fanfic, do you? This will be continued in another story. Review, and I will go through the agony of putting it up.


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